Electric Pig

Incident 1: On Tuesday evening, I had just finished a jog (stagger) round the local park and was walking down one of the little backstreets that leads from the park back to my house. Just up the road were three large crows, the type that can often be seen loitering on the streets of Tokyo. Crows in Tokyo are everywhere and are huge. This is due to an incident in the 60's where nuclear waste was spilled on a pile of rubbish which was then eaten by some crows that mutated and caused a race of mecha-crow that killed all the normal crows and now rule all of Tokyo. They can be seen every money ripping apart rubbish bags, extorting lunch money from little kids and mugging old women.

This time, one crow was walking down the road and the other two were sitting on telephone wires on either side. As I approached, they started squarking, much more than usual. I chuckled to myself, not realising the Tippi Hedren danger I was in, and walked on until I was anout 20 feet from the crow in the middle of the road. Suddenly, I heard a massive swooosh and felt wings hitting my head, as one of the two crows divebombed me from behind and flew only centimeters above me. No sooner had I ducked, pointlessly late, when again, with a swoooosh, the other crow narrowly missed me. A little spooked, I checked to see that no-one was watching, luckily they weren't, and I started walking/trotting a little faster. By now I was only a few feet from the crow on the ground, and suddenly one of the first two blitzkrieg crows swooped down, screaming as it did so and just avoided hitting me again. The crow on the ground then started jumping towards me too, and again, the third crow attacked. This time, I couldn't have given a shit who was watching and I started running off down the street. After about 30 metres, the attacks stopped and I had a chance to catch my breath, exhausted after this extra unwanted exercise. Turning round, I saw the crows attacking another guy walking down the street. Obviously braver or, perhaps, more stupid than me, he was fighting back and aiming punches at the swooping death-birds. I didn't see much after he fell and, screaming, was set upon.

Incident 2: Yesterday, on my way out of school, I was chased by a FUCKING TORNADO. That is all. I think something may be trying to tell me something...